Sandy Holmes & 'The Critical Few'

Submitted by Australian Poet... on Thu, 10/07/2010 - 20:01

Sandy Holmes was the winner of the Katoomba slam, held on 25th June (Check out the previous blog entry to read about the event and look at some photos).

We asked Sandy about her relationship with poetry and here's what she had to say:

"I’ve always appreciated poetry, especially the fun stuff. I grew up on a diet of vegemite sandwiches and Banjo Paterson, reciting Mulga Bill’s Bicycle, A Bush Christening and the like. It was my unfulfilled childhood aspiration to recite poetry on Young Talent Time. I love the way poetry can make our stories so accessible, especially when served with generous amounts of honesty and humour. Spike Milligan, Roger McGough, Pam Ayres: those guys were my early inspirations along with my grandfather and Miss Terry, a favourite school teacher. I’ve always been a keen writer and since I was a kid, I’ve dabbled in performance and public speaking. Nowadays that’s expanded to include emceeing, performing at festivals, poetry gatherings and the odd private function booking."

Here's Sandy's poem, which has won her a place in the NSW State Final.

The Critical Few

Is that a new dress dear? It shows off your figure: perhaps you should rethink the diet

Best not sing along ‘cause you’ll just get it wrong and the eyebrows will raise if you try it

Best not wear that outfit! Creative? I doubt it. My, isn’t your hair going grey!

You call poetry art? Well, don’t burp, scratch or fart if you must put yourself on display.

It’s all free advice, though some thanks would be nice, but we realise you haven’t a clue.

Best keep on your armour to come to no harm taking heed of the critical few

We’re such terribly interesting creatures,

matching wits, sharpening claws,

The sweet, vicious way Old School taught us to play

while conducting relationship wars

The critics revolve around doorways, the clever remarks never pause

The oppressed have become the oppressors, Cynicism reigns, nay, it pours

Heed the Fashion police, the Judge of the Day,

I trained at the Old School where I learnt to play

with the Cutting Edge Masters in cold shades of grey

and I know, empty vessels have plenty to say

I hear you’re performing in public, how quaint. Well, it’s brave of you not to refuse

and all of your friends say you need all the practice and really, you’ve nothing to lose

Original lyrics, supposedly witty, I hear that the words are incisive

A poem about me! And the ‘me’s’ cannot see it is they who are cold, nay, derisive?

Why surely you jest! Do you dare to suggest I am shallow and lacking in conscience?

I’m elite, I’m exclusive, I’m slyly abusive but your innuendo is nonsense.

I’m in on the in-crowd if you’re in the know. I ride a big stallion and cast my eyes down

The smaller I make you the bigger I grow: I’m the critical mess; I’m the talk of the town.

Is that a new dress dear? It shows off your breasts dear, you still haven’t stuck to the diet.

Another new song dear, I hope it’s not long dear. Some say it, some sweetly imply it

Believe in the bitching, so cruel and bewitching, we’ll share all our insights with you,

With high horse and armour you’ll come to know harm

Taking heed of the critical view

Australian Poetry Slam's blog